In looking back on my life, I would say generally my childhood and early adulthood were very fulfullling and fruitful. I have no life long regrets. I was also a conservative person in my interactions with others. I resolved disputes through meditation and coming to terms amiably. Granted, there were a few times I would grab the other boy’s throat like Darth Vader for excessive horseplaying and once did a mud wrestling match after the boy repeatedly picked on a girl in elementary school. But it was more play than anything. Besides, especially during the 1980’s, women and girls mud wrestled all the time. So it wouldn’t have been any harm for a boy or man to do it once in a lifetime. No life-long harm or trauma developed.
Much of my childhood involved family trips to Florida, Virginia and Ohio. I enjoy traveling and exploring the world at large. It didn’t matter if it was a baseball game, Mount Vernon or the beach.
I have a highly developed instinct for knowing potential pitfalls and either fixing a problem before it develops or going around the problem so it doesn’t swallow me up whole. I have never driven drunk (although have been slighly intoxicated maybe a handful of times and went to bed immediately afterwards), never got a girl/woman pregnant out of wedlock, smoked three cigars in my life, never cared for cigarettes and chewing tobacco, etc…
In my adult life as we moved through the 21st century, it has been one of conflict, more psychological and spiritual than physical. I am still in good shape, have full function of my body and proactive about nutrition. The psychological and spiritual challenges have however been immense. I am a man of the past. Modern times leaves me feeling alienated and not getting anywhere like a hamster stuck on the wheel in a cage, yet going nowhere.
Physically, I now know that for the sake of my long-term health, living on a beach, ranch, mountains, or some other natural setting is necessary. Unfortunately, the modern world is way overdeveloped and too expensive for my limited financial means.
The other issue that I have struggled with for most of my life is hearing loss. I am deaf in right ear and hearing impaired in left ear. Generally, I have always been able to adapt beginning after being diagnosed with hearing loss around age 5 in 1981. I say generally minus not dating or going to parties, I lived a well-rounded life as a child and teenager. I loved the music, movies, MTV, mud wrestling and life in general. Those were very happy times for me. I am highly adaptable and a big believer in thinking positive.
Around the turn of the century, basically everything was coming together nicely. I did do some dating as a young adult and had a nice career going at HGTV/Scripps Network. Nice apartment, good money, investments, etc…
After 9/11 happened, I was laid off in November. From there it has been one failed thing after another. Dead end jobs, money is tight, no real prospect for the future, I have felt ignored, misunderstood, doubted and looking back at it, engaged in constant dreaming about the past to cope. I was both psychologically and spiritually tormented.
Fast forward to 2020. It has been a crazy year for everyone. You turn around and something bad is happening from virus (whether real or not), bickering on social media, nastiness in politics or a rock star or movie star dies. RIP Eddie Van Halen.
I have been taking 2020 in stride not letting constant fear mongering and nastiness from corporate media affect me. I cut the cord in 2002. I started becoming aware of the toxic atmosphere that was to come going back to mid 1990’s. Thankfully, I left that industry when I did. I know a number of other people who were also glad to have done the same. Given the downhill slide of both the news industry and Hollywood, it either wouldn’t have lasted long or I may not even be alive today.
On a personal level, the biggest thing that has fouled me up is the mask wearing. Due to my hearing loss, I have to read lips. If I can’t read your lips when you are talking, I might as well be deaf. All of the sudden after overcoming struggles for 40 years, now I am right back at square one.